Building Trust With Parents of Neurodivergent Students: A Teacher’s Guide

Let’s start with naming the elephant in the room: some parent-teacher relationships are tricky. And if you’re supporting a neurodivergent pupil, you might find that communication with their parents or carers sometimes feels strained, tense, or even downright awkward.

You’re not doing anything wrong. And neither are they.

What you’re both doing is trying ... hard. Often from different angles, sometimes from different emotional starting points, but in most cases with the shared goal of wanting what’s best for the child.

This post is here to help make those conversations a little easier. Not by offering a one-size-fits-all script, but by helping you understand what’s often going on beneath the surface when working with families of neurodivergent pupils and how to build connection, even when things feel tense.

Why It Feels Different Sometimes

Supporting a neurodivergent student often means supporting a family who’s already been through quite a bit. They might have:

• Spent years feeling dismissed or not believed

• Had to push relentlessly to get their child assessed or supported

• Faced blame for their child’s behaviour, even from professionals

• Navigated complex systems with limited help

  
  

By the time they meet you, they may be carrying not just a school bag of forms and EHCP paperwork - but a suitcase full of frustration, worry, and advocacy fatigue. It’s not personal. It’s protective.

Step 1: Assume Positive Intent (Even If It Feels Like Conflict)

When a parent comes across as defensive, demanding, or highly emotional, try to hear what’s underneath:

“I’ve had to fight every step of the way to get my child’s needs noticed. Please don’t be another person who overlooks them.”

Instead of matching their energy or becoming overly formal, soften your own tone. Try, “It sounds like this has been a really hard road. I’m glad you’re sharing this with me—can we find a way forward together?”

It’s amazing how disarming warmth can be.

Step 2: Be Curious, Not Corrective

Parents of neurodivergent children are often experts in their child’s needs, even if they don’t use professional terminology. Ask questions like:

• “What have you found works really well at home?”

• “What do you notice when they start to feel overwhelmed?”

• “What would you most like me to understand about your child?”

  
  

Avoid jumping in with solutions too quickly. Listen first. Even a five-minute phone call framed with curiosity can make a big difference.

Step 3: Keep the Door Open

Families who’ve had difficult experiences with schools may expect the door to close once a meeting ends. Show them that yours stays open:

• Send a quick update when something goes well: “Just wanted to let you know Sam helped a classmate today and was so thoughtful.”

• Offer follow-ups: “I’d love to check in again next week and hear how things are going at home.”

• Acknowledge progress: “I can see how much effort you’ve put in to support your child, thank you.”

Trust isn’t built in one meeting. It’s built in consistency.

Step 4: Work as Allies, Not Adversaries

Sometimes, there are real challenges or disagreements. Maybe a behaviour plan isn’t working. Maybe a parent wants something the school can’t offer. It’s okay to name the difficulty without blame.

Try saying:

“I can hear how important this is to you, and I’m going to do everything I can within school to help. There might be some things I can’t change straight away, but I want us to work together on what’s possible.”

You’re not there to win a debate. You’re there to co-create support.

Step 5: Remember, They’re Human Too

Behind every parent who seems intense or mistrustful is someone who has likely:

• Lost sleep worrying about their child’s future

• Sat in meetings where they didn’t feel heard

• Heard their child say, "No one understands me"

  
  

A small moment of empathy from you (a look, a line, a gesture) might be the first warmth they’ve felt from a professional in a long time.

That matters.

Final Thoughts

You don’t have to fix everything. You don’t have to know every acronym. What matters most is that you show up with openness, consistency, and care.

Building trust with parents of neurodivergent students isn’t always easy. But it is worthwhile. Because when that trust grows, so does your capacity to support the child at the centre of it all.

And isn’t that why we’re all here?